I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Plan B is the new Plan A
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
