Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
