Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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