You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
