Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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