Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
