I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
