I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
