I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
