I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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