Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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