Moan for me like Helen Keller
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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