you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you inspire me to be a worse person
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
