My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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