Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize