I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
