i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
