My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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