he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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