What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize