my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize