You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
