in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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