Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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