I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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