Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
