They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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