I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
