i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want nice things and good sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
