So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
