I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
