I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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