I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
