Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
