There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
