Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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