I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
