Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
