The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
