My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
