You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A bitchslap is in order.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize