i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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