No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
