i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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