my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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