Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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