My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize