He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
