Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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