How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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