u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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