Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
