belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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