I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize