i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
