I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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