she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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