She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
