i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
