If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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