We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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