To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
