Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
