We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My life is pants optional.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
