I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
