halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
