The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
