Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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