I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
