I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You smell like stripper and shame
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
