A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please come you make the beer taste better
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
