so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
